Anyone whose been following my artistic adventures knows of my love for the Homeworld series.

It began sometime in the 90s, when I got a hold of a Sierra magazine and poured over the new games that were coming. One of them was Half-Life, but the other was Homeworld. I was immediately drawn to the prospect of 3D space battles, and the images of the ships posted only made me wonder what it would be like to command them. It was like a dream come true, finally being able to command space battles (as Starcraft, at the time, was only 2D).

Years later, I came across Homeworld: Cataclysm, since Homeworld itself was long off the shelves. Since it was the closest thing to Homeworld that I'd get, I picked it up, installed it, and played it. I was not disappointed; The music quickly became my favorite, and every CD I burned for my player to listen to on campus would have a music track from the game (attained one way or another- usually through Nabster during the height of that service).

But eventually I wanted to play with the Taiidan ships, and the Kushan ones. The only way I could do this was to get Homeworld. As soon as I spotted the Game of the Year edition for the first game, I picked it up.

There was some skirmish games I played, and things to get used to, but then I played the story.

I never looked back.

I became drawn in by the venture from Kharak to the core, and drawn in by the atmosphere Homeworld presented. As the years went on, I came to appreciate more and more the depth of the story it presented. I fell in love with Homeworld because it was completely different from the science-fiction universes, until then, that I had experienced. Energy beams could only be fired from a dedicated spaceship; a novel concept coming from the assumption that starships had many of these. Bullets as the weapon of choice for the universe was also a novel idea that I became attracted to, as well as a universe without magical energy shields. Finally, the tie-ins with Biblical Mythology and the grand quest of a mere 2-600,000 survivors from a population of 300 million...finding their lost Homeworld in an all-or-nothing gambit... was unparalleled in any experience I had before.

And when I looked back on Cataclysm, my disdain increased because of the gestures Barking Dog took to destroy the uniqueness of the atmosphere. Some of the great things in Homeworld were casually shoved aside for the sake of that game, and it introduced things to poison the clear-sky atmosphere of the first game. This is why it has my disdain, despite being my introduction to Homeworld.

But Homeworld... firing it up and playing it today only brings me closer to an already powerful game. I expect to be returning to Hiigara over the span of the week, when I have the time, in my free hours. As my fandom for Homeworld is going into Perihelion over the past few weeks, expectantly a number of Homeworld fanart has been popping up here.

As I said at the Relic thread for Remembering Homeworld: Homeworld is like the book you never want to see made into a movie because of what Hollywood would do to it, yet you want the author to make more of.

Ten years... despite the rough-and-tumble treatment of the name, franchise, and mythology in its sequels I still continue to hope for a future of this unique universe without watering it down for the sake of sales.

Fortunately for all of us, Relic has made a gesture for the fans and allowed the release of the stand-alone demo of Homeworld... which is skirmish and MP compatable through Gameranger, as well as containing the first four missions and the cut mission "Raider's Retreat."

Get it here. Now. And play.
[link]

So... summer ends. No internship, no job, and no escape from some disappointments.

What's ahead? Another school, and getting a certificate in Video Game Design.

I've never given much thought or consideration of these 'video game design' courses that were offered at community colleges. I was under the impression that the teachers wouldn't be that serious, the courses were more or less superfluous, and its there for the peace of mind of the over-eager high-school graduates who are mostly wannabes, just to milk the money out of them. Well, here I am, about to dive into this curriculum to get a certificate out of Ohlone community college. Lets hope my assumptions about the classes are wrong, and that the teachers are serious and can impart me with some wisdom that I actually find useful.

I've always loved games and had the urge to design them. I was never a coder, so I couldn't work on the virtual side of things, but I've had plenty of board game designs crop up over the years (Fleets and Myopia are perhaps the latest of these). I gather the classes I'll be taking might teach me the mentality that you need to create games... which I seem to have some talent for, but it might use some honing.

Originally I was going to Ohlone to polish my skills in Flash... since the exposure at CSU East Bay was hardly what I'd call 'immersive'. Two-three weeks as an afterthought with most of the class spent on Final Cut. How does Final cut help graphic designers, again? I'm still taking those classes...short as they are... but I thought it would be a good idea to snap up the certificate in video game design as well.

I've also signed up for a course in 3D modeling.

When I think about it, I think modeling is what I really want to do. Constructing the Keele fleet was a lot of fun, and I get a little exited about the possibilities of modeling monotonous stuff like props and terrain. When I know I'm feeling that way about the monotonous stuff, chances are this might be a career I like. So, 3D modeling it is!

...but to answer some of my earlier concerns in another entry, one reason I want to go to a course to learn modeling instead of poking on my own is because I'd learn how to optimize a model. I know the fleet models I did are really messy on the interior- lots of excess points and lines that will really hurt performance. Plus, they were done in Google SketchUp, which is hardly a professional program. The heads at Dynaverse.net might have learned on their own, but most of my time was not spent learning 3D, and I'd rather break into the industry sooner than later. If the class helps me to do this, then I'm all for it.

And yes, I'm also taking courses in Flash. I don't think I'll be able to code complete games, but maybe some of the comic robots I did from ancient times can come back in animated form.

I'm not where I thought I'd be, but maybe I'm better off being here than there.

Well... here I am.

A long while ago, I posted my woes of wanting to be a Concept artist on Conceptart.org, remarking that I was getting a Bachelors in Graphic Design. They pretty much said that it was a useless venture, and that I should look into illustration instead (despite the fact that I was almost done with my BA by the time I asked). I also posted some concept work there in the critique section and it got ripped up really badly... among other things, they lauded me for watermarking the design as if it was akin to cropping in paint. I wasn't aware defending your art in such a way was a minus...

Anyway, this wasn't to bash Conceptart.org (though I wonder how many CAs come across as being just as arrogant... 'nother rant), but to ponder if I have what it takes to be 'desired' as a concept artist.

The field, at least in my worldview, is very niche and very tiny. Whenever my mom talks to be about getting jobs and such, she's stuck in this perspective that as a Graphic Designer I'd be happy doing logo work, layouts, posters, that kind of thing. I don't want to be doing layouts for the rest of my life, or letterheads or posters. I'd rather be opening the valve for my imagination and finally getting paid for it, not become the "hand that draws".

I've been drawing ever since middle school, specifically drawing robots, spaceships, and machinery (take note, aspiring artists, I've been doodling in class all this time. THAT's how I got good, not any God-given skills). If possible, for a real job I'd like to be doing this with some possibility of advancement to higher levels. I don't want to take up a job doing layouts for posters and getting stuck there for three years.

The pressure is mounting though. To appease my parents I need to show some progression in finding a job... but somehow I feel stuck.

When I talked to one of my professors about the big companies here that might want a concept artist (EA, Lucasfilm, Pixar), he warned me against going there because they can be "obnoxious to get into". Apparently they're bombarded by amateurs who think they have the talent regardless of quality, so they turn away most other people and are resistant to applicants. I wonder if I'd be turned away just as quickly, even though I feel I have talent higher than that of crayon drawings...

I suppose I could trawl craigslist, but of the applications I saw there only one of them seemed relevant... an artist for a casual game company. I don't feel there's much room for advancement there... as for the other applications, almost all of them want some years of experience. So there's the irony: I need experience to find a job, but I need a job to get experience. Freelance work, then?

So really I don't know what to do. I want to find a job where I can get hired to concept machines, props, robots, starships, or any other contrivance. But if such jobs are so far above me, then what would I need in my portfolio to become attractive to such companies?

There's also my boardgames. I need them tested, but what is the potential to get them marketed? I ordered a book to help me on this subject, but it seems to be taking forever to get here (unless it was shipped to my campus? Oops...). As I'm still paranoid of my ideas being stolen by THEIVES (Re: My Relic avatar being stolen) I'm hesitant to release any original material to the public. Is this being unnecessarily paranoid, and should I just go with it anyway?

So....here I am.

Technically, as far as I know, I've graduated. Yay me! I now have a bachelors in Graphic Design.

Looking back on it, this wasn't what I should have been doing. Instead, I should have been an illustrator, and pressed to apply to the California Academy of Art where they could have taught me the nuances of illustration and perfecting my technique. Then maybe I could have gotten into Industrial design or animation.

...or should I?

I think I'm of the belief that things happen the way they do for a reason. Taking courses at CSU East Bay gave me lax teachers, and helped me find people who became my friends (one of which is irreplaceable, and her graduation is today). For good or for ill I'm here now, with the skills I have, and at the beginning of this thing called "real life" (as opposed to the sheltered world of being a student) I have to make do with what skills I have.

I keep asking myself "Do I have what it takes?" There are many examples here on DeviantArt of fantastic My-God-My-Socks-Blew-Off artists who could just set their minds to something and have a fantastic job done. ukitakumuki is one such artist who I feel my skills can't even approach.

But maybe I'm not cut out to be that good...

I mean in the sense that he, or other artists, are in rendering that particular style. I have a penchant for technical drawings, cartography, design documents, and fiction writing... all for imaginary objects. My brother, I guess, sucked all the engineering intellect out of the family... leaving me with the creative spark. I make machines, but they are all fantastic and impossible. Would that be enough for me to make a living?

Once I'm moved back into my house and settled, the plan is to begin to expand my portfolio. THere's already a lot of fantastic stuff here on DA, but even in this collection I feel I could do...more. I still have the fear of posting my most original of original work on the internet (an interview with one of my mom's friends, a small business owner herself) seems to have justified my fear about my work getting pirated. Hell, a few months back I even found my avatar at Relic pirated! I hope the few original designs I posted her haven't found their way into ill-intended hands... and you shouldn't be surprised if some of my original work disappeared from DA over time.

In any case, while I look for something like a beginning job (or Temp job), I want to build my portfolio and teach myself how to 3D model. I've long held a fascination for physical modeling, but now that the world has moved to digital modeling (movies, games) perhaps I should also. At any rate, it'll allow me to make custom content for UT2004 and Starfleet Command

Myopia and Fleets went down real well, the class and teacher loved the design. But will they [em]play[/em] well? That is the current hangup i have, and I don't know where to begin to get them published. My teacher said I shouldn't sit on this though, so maybe it's worth pursuing. I've been making boardgames since I was a kid... maybe it's time to capitalize on that urge.

Coming up on the endgame here for school...

Most of the components are coming together for the game... all of it hinges on the board. I've been using matte board, paper, glue, and duck-tape to create some kind of mounted five-way folding board for the main map (45x20), though I confess the quality of the board is....quesitonable. The folds aren't quite right and it seems kinda flimbsy when I operate it. Given the... unsatisfactory quality of the board, I dare not cut the $60.00 map that I printed specifically for this project. As a result, perhaps I'll leave it for feedback on Wednsday to see what the class opinion is while I turn to other things on the project (manual, box, player aides).

As it is, within the project, I've put the Random Event and Achievement cards on the back burner because I cannot define what I want all these cards to do. Given the scale of Myopia (a turn is roughly a week? A month?) these random events might not fit in the scale. They were supposed to help tip the balance between the players and give something to react to, but Diplomacy (one of the inspirations for the game), had no such thing, so maybe it's just as well.

As I come to the end of all this I get the feeling that I bit off more than I could chew...again. Myopia might be a great concept but compared to some others, it is a big game. There's a lot of components to consider, things to create, and a large series of rules to be ironed out. In the time that I've done this I have some three other boardgame ideas that would have taken less time, have less components, and might be a little less experimental in theme. Two of them are;

Fleet Combat: Made just this morning and inspired by "Napoleon's Triumph" in using blocks of troops for combat. It's almost like a miniatures game, since movement is by inches and degrees, but combat is more like pushing the enemy fleet around. It's also inspired by the battles seen in the animated version of "Legend of the Galactic Heroes", where fleet formations moved very much in the same way. Not sure if I'll construct a prototype or not.

Aeon: Inspired by things like Tempus and Wizards, which had a modular world set on a field of sea hexigons. I wanted to make a game that could have a planet set up by the players at the beginning of the game. A prototype of this is under construction alongside Myopia... might have a playable version by the end of the semester, but it won't be my final Senior Project. If I have components left over I might finish it. The theme of the game is so abstract that players represent civilization, one revolution of players represents a generation. The whole world is crammed on to a 11x17 mapboard. Combat isn't so much fighting as it is one civilization versus another in economics, civilization, and yes war. The World Wars would be represented in one turn, for example. All of Europe is within four hexes. I might post some prototypes and such later if I feel like it.

On top of all of this I have a senior project packet to create and a midterm to study for on Tuesday. Blargh.